I was riding in a Jeep with some girl driving, me in the middle, and my brother in the passenger seat (but not one of my real brothers), and Penn & Teller in the back seat. The girl was goofing off and she was letting the Jeep roll into a wall. I was thinking “the airbags better not go off”, and of course they did. But it wasn’t the explosive force of real airbags, more like the cartoon version that just blew up in my face and didn’t really hurt.

So then we were all laughing, because obviously airbags are funny (?!?), when Penn suddenly lunged forward and grabbed my head. I’m fighting him off with a “WTF man?!?” kind of attitude when he basically sticks his fingers in my mouth and then bounces back into the back seat triumphantly. I’m still completely in WTF mode when Teller (without saying a word, of course) produces a plastic bag that looks like something from a CSI lab and they proceed to gather my slobber from Penn’s fingers like some sort of specimen.

It’s then that I realize they’re stealing my DNA for use in one of their acts. You see, in Dreamland, Penn & Teller have a bit where they genetically engineer a human/chicken hybrid and then get the DNA donor on stage and introduce him to his mini-chicken-me.

This part of their act kills, of course, so as soon as I realize what they’re doing we all start laughing and joking about what a me-chicken would look like. (Are they gonna get tiny eye glasses for it?!?) So everyone is looking forward to seeing what Penn & Teller cook up in their genetic lab and we’re all laughing our asses off in our busted Jeep…. and then I woke up.

Psychoanalyze in the comments section, cause I definitely don’t know WTF this one is about!

Me: When our kids get older and are all grumpy and shit I’m going to tell them “Just go talk to your Mom, she knows what you’re going through.”

Me: Wow, thanks baby. I’m totally putting that on my blog.

She was still in elementary school when I was in high school, so I don’t know how she’d know if I was a loser or not…

PS: Yes, I know a retort like “I’m going to blog this” does nothing to dispute her assertion that I am a loser.

PPS: She claims she was only kidding…